Good morning everyone. The event is over, and I think I've slept enough. And thus, it is time for an aftermath. When I left "THE MALL" last night I was quite depressed I have to say.
The last day left me with a bad aftertaste. I didn't really do anything, and for the most time, I was running up and down talking to people, mostly strangers that I do not like, or don't care about. I was worrying right out of my skull, trying to summon the courage to go and ask the phone of the girl that I (think) I liked. To add to my worries, my friends who were supposed to bring me my second cosplay outfit for the evening, decided to take their time, leaving me normally dressed for quite a long time. Not their fault really, however, when you're flipping out, blaming others is a good way to avoid going completely crazy. This and that happened, and generally, Saturday was not as good as I had planned it to be. It did have quite the good ending though, with my OTHER friends coming over and taking my mind off things, cause the friends I had around, decided they had spent way too much time with me. I guess in this world, nothing ever goes exactly as planned. Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop planning things out. (Yes, I thought of that yesterday before I went to bed, and I REALLY wanted to say it somewhere and sound cool).
However, a good night's sleep changed my mind, and my view on things. I need to look at the big picture. I seriously had fun, the first two days at least. Even the last day was fun, in its own pecculiar way. Last night I was really dissapointed at myself. I hadn't talked to the girl I wanted to, and I had practically watched her ignore me for the biggest part of the day. Which is something I did right back at her, in order to follow my own code of social behaviour, something that a lot of people seem to ignore. Naturally, I can't expect other to follow MY code, but I always kinda thought that was the normal thing to do. Don't force your way into someone elses's private space, when he/she doesn't seem to want to do the same. Well, I think this pretty much sums up my whole set of rules really :P. Perhaps if I think about it, there are more, but right now this is the one I'm interested in. On Friday, she seemed to seek out my company, whilst yesterday she seemed to simply ignore me. Now, it's not something I really worry about, since in the end, I accomplished many other things during the event. First of all, I made a name for myself. By being part of the group that organised the whole thing, by wearing a well placed and kind social mask, I got accepted by others. We had a huge success, and that opened quite a few doors for the group.
And waking up today, I had one question for myself. Why was I so desperate about that girl? It's not that I don't like her or anything. But I don't think I like her enough to go and beat up myself about not getting her number and being ignored by her. Truth is, what I was really after (the thing she has, that the other girls in my life right now) is my friend's approval. Why have I not done something with Kostas' sister? I've liked her since the last summer. That's 1 year. 1 YEAR! But as soon as I let other people hear what I think, they flood me with their opinions to which I have to comply. Or at least that's what I think I have to do. I believe I have to make others happy, and that's why I can't always do what I want to do. Not that I really know what I want... I mean, is this even true? Do I really let the opinions of others control my life? I guess the answer is somewhere in the middle. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't.
The point right now though is not that. Even if I have overcome last night's deppresion, doesn't mean my head is clear enough to know what does it want. (Those thoughts btw are really messing me up. Come to think of it, this is who I am. A person who does not know who he is. I'm someone who seeks the attention of others, always trying to please them, so that he can be accepted by them. But is this the true me? WHO is the true me? Meh, I'm just (not) kidding. I'm probably me, just going through a minor identity crisis). Anyways...
See ya soon
(BTW this probably means there will be no other post for the next week, since I double posted this week :P)
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