Good morning everyone. The event is over, and I think I've slept enough. And thus, it is time for an aftermath. When I left "THE MALL" last night I was quite depressed I have to say.
The last day left me with a bad aftertaste. I didn't really do anything, and for the most time, I was running up and down talking to people, mostly strangers that I do not like, or don't care about. I was worrying right out of my skull, trying to summon the courage to go and ask the phone of the girl that I (think) I liked. To add to my worries, my friends who were supposed to bring me my second cosplay outfit for the evening, decided to take their time, leaving me normally dressed for quite a long time. Not their fault really, however, when you're flipping out, blaming others is a good way to avoid going completely crazy. This and that happened, and generally, Saturday was not as good as I had planned it to be. It did have quite the good ending though, with my OTHER friends coming over and taking my mind off things, cause the friends I had around, decided they had spent way too much time with me. I guess in this world, nothing ever goes exactly as planned. Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop planning things out. (Yes, I thought of that yesterday before I went to bed, and I REALLY wanted to say it somewhere and sound cool).
However, a good night's sleep changed my mind, and my view on things. I need to look at the big picture. I seriously had fun, the first two days at least. Even the last day was fun, in its own pecculiar way. Last night I was really dissapointed at myself. I hadn't talked to the girl I wanted to, and I had practically watched her ignore me for the biggest part of the day. Which is something I did right back at her, in order to follow my own code of social behaviour, something that a lot of people seem to ignore. Naturally, I can't expect other to follow MY code, but I always kinda thought that was the normal thing to do. Don't force your way into someone elses's private space, when he/she doesn't seem to want to do the same. Well, I think this pretty much sums up my whole set of rules really :P. Perhaps if I think about it, there are more, but right now this is the one I'm interested in. On Friday, she seemed to seek out my company, whilst yesterday she seemed to simply ignore me. Now, it's not something I really worry about, since in the end, I accomplished many other things during the event. First of all, I made a name for myself. By being part of the group that organised the whole thing, by wearing a well placed and kind social mask, I got accepted by others. We had a huge success, and that opened quite a few doors for the group.
And waking up today, I had one question for myself. Why was I so desperate about that girl? It's not that I don't like her or anything. But I don't think I like her enough to go and beat up myself about not getting her number and being ignored by her. Truth is, what I was really after (the thing she has, that the other girls in my life right now) is my friend's approval. Why have I not done something with Kostas' sister? I've liked her since the last summer. That's 1 year. 1 YEAR! But as soon as I let other people hear what I think, they flood me with their opinions to which I have to comply. Or at least that's what I think I have to do. I believe I have to make others happy, and that's why I can't always do what I want to do. Not that I really know what I want... I mean, is this even true? Do I really let the opinions of others control my life? I guess the answer is somewhere in the middle. Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't.
The point right now though is not that. Even if I have overcome last night's deppresion, doesn't mean my head is clear enough to know what does it want. (Those thoughts btw are really messing me up. Come to think of it, this is who I am. A person who does not know who he is. I'm someone who seeks the attention of others, always trying to please them, so that he can be accepted by them. But is this the true me? WHO is the true me? Meh, I'm just (not) kidding. I'm probably me, just going through a minor identity crisis). Anyways...
See ya soon
(BTW this probably means there will be no other post for the next week, since I double posted this week :P)
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Friday, 23 October 2009
Cosplay cafe. Running like hell. Me. A waiter. Socializing. Dancing. Doing generally stuff and being a moron. I think I actually have people who look up to me now. Ok, so I undressed while moving like a spaz up on a stage. EVERYONE was looking at me. Truth be told. It felt awesome. I wish at some point I can have a life where I do this more often. Can't really write many more stuff, no time (and I need sleep). Also, Nancy doesn't like me. Probably. I'm not really head over heels for her either, but something tells me that can easily change. Anyways... I've got a target and tomorrow's my last chance. Even if I get rejected, at least I'll have tried.
Good night to all!
PS: I danced and took my clothes off to this...
Good night to all!
PS: I danced and took my clothes off to this...
Friday, 16 October 2009
The New Order
Hm. You know, I don't know if it's this particular brand, but I think I just found out that I don't enjoy chocolate. Not in general, just not right now. Which is weird. I thought chocolate was awesome all around th clock. Well, turns out that it's not. So... Good evening three people who read this blog and welcome to another piece of weekly news and spicy insight to the life of George.
Now, this week has been significantly better than the previous two ones, for no particular reason... Well, ok, there are a few reasons, but I don't think they're really important. Or maybe they are. I don't know. You know how sometimes something cheers you up for no particular reason and then, just everything seems to be going better? Yeah, that's what happened to me this week. I mean was it yesterday or the day before that? I was sitting in my room miserable as usual and I thought "It's time to eat. And when you're eating you can't just do nothing." So I took my food in front of my pc and started eating while watching the second season of Dexter(or DeX-Tah as that british chick keeps on calling him and gets me all "ZOMG BRITISH ACCENT I WISH I COULD BE LIKE THAT"... Not like the chick part, just the british accent stuff...) Anyways. Turns out that watching serial killers do their smart stuff and the view of awesome guys slashing people into pieces makes me happy. So who am I to doubt the higher forces of this universe? Cool smart people make me feel good? That's what I'll do from now on then. Although I don't really see the life of a serial killer befitting for me, so I think I'll just go with watching the series.
Speaking of series, season 2 of Darker than Black started airing in Japan a week ago. I watched the first episode last night, and truth be told, I didn't expect much of it. Instead, I got completely excited and almost screamed when the episode ended with a fucking hang-over. And now I'm officially hooked again -_-" . (Speaking of anime, Fairy Tail sucks). And speaking of anime, the cosplay cafe is closing in on us and I'm completely broke. I'll try to borrow some money from my parents and hopefully I'll pay some debts that way, but I'll still be broke for the rest of the month. And next months seems pretty bad as well (financially speaking). On the (almost) bright side of stuff me and Marilou worked out that japanese class thingy, so even if it didn't turn out as awesome as it could (or should) well, it still seems ok. We'll be on seperate classes (which I regret) but I'll have her bring her notes to me, so that I can study cause my sensei doesn't seem as able as hers. Oh, I forgot to mention, I tried out the butler suit (kinda). I think I look pretty ok in it. Hopefully girls will think so too, cause as time passes, I start realizing that trully I've been alone for way too fucking long. And even though I've kinda dealt with the misery of being alone lately, it's starting to affect Ryan as well, and as if often happens, his misery becomes my misery. (So as you can guess, even if the title says Blind Guardian, the song'll be MetallicA, as a tribute to my friend)
Well, other than financial problems, a certain amount of self-doubting (which is probably a permanent point in my personality by now) and quite a few parent-nagging, this has been a fine week for me. More ups than downs I must say. And I've ran out of things to say for some reason... Anyways... (oh, Blind Guardian addiction came back. Listening to their latest album. Totally not as bad as I thought)
Now, this week has been significantly better than the previous two ones, for no particular reason... Well, ok, there are a few reasons, but I don't think they're really important. Or maybe they are. I don't know. You know how sometimes something cheers you up for no particular reason and then, just everything seems to be going better? Yeah, that's what happened to me this week. I mean was it yesterday or the day before that? I was sitting in my room miserable as usual and I thought "It's time to eat. And when you're eating you can't just do nothing." So I took my food in front of my pc and started eating while watching the second season of Dexter(or DeX-Tah as that british chick keeps on calling him and gets me all "ZOMG BRITISH ACCENT I WISH I COULD BE LIKE THAT"... Not like the chick part, just the british accent stuff...) Anyways. Turns out that watching serial killers do their smart stuff and the view of awesome guys slashing people into pieces makes me happy. So who am I to doubt the higher forces of this universe? Cool smart people make me feel good? That's what I'll do from now on then. Although I don't really see the life of a serial killer befitting for me, so I think I'll just go with watching the series.
Speaking of series, season 2 of Darker than Black started airing in Japan a week ago. I watched the first episode last night, and truth be told, I didn't expect much of it. Instead, I got completely excited and almost screamed when the episode ended with a fucking hang-over. And now I'm officially hooked again -_-" . (Speaking of anime, Fairy Tail sucks). And speaking of anime, the cosplay cafe is closing in on us and I'm completely broke. I'll try to borrow some money from my parents and hopefully I'll pay some debts that way, but I'll still be broke for the rest of the month. And next months seems pretty bad as well (financially speaking). On the (almost) bright side of stuff me and Marilou worked out that japanese class thingy, so even if it didn't turn out as awesome as it could (or should) well, it still seems ok. We'll be on seperate classes (which I regret) but I'll have her bring her notes to me, so that I can study cause my sensei doesn't seem as able as hers. Oh, I forgot to mention, I tried out the butler suit (kinda). I think I look pretty ok in it. Hopefully girls will think so too, cause as time passes, I start realizing that trully I've been alone for way too fucking long. And even though I've kinda dealt with the misery of being alone lately, it's starting to affect Ryan as well, and as if often happens, his misery becomes my misery. (So as you can guess, even if the title says Blind Guardian, the song'll be MetallicA, as a tribute to my friend)
Well, other than financial problems, a certain amount of self-doubting (which is probably a permanent point in my personality by now) and quite a few parent-nagging, this has been a fine week for me. More ups than downs I must say. And I've ran out of things to say for some reason... Anyways... (oh, Blind Guardian addiction came back. Listening to their latest album. Totally not as bad as I thought)
Friday, 9 October 2009
One of those days
You know, it's not really unusual for me to feel like crap. Actually, it happens all the time. I don't really think I'm a pessimist or anything, and I'm pretty sure there's nothing wrong with me (like, I don't have any sort of mental illness, like depression or anything). So why do I keep on waking up and feeling like this? Angry, miserable, alone. And seriously, lately, life's been getting considerably better... I mean, a (crazy) girl confessed, another girl had her friend ask me what do I think of her (and that's like she's asking me to ask her out, right?) and there is this other girl that I secretely like but I won't admit cause she's too young. Generally my love life is showing signs of improvement. And my friends have like, completely returned, so supposedely my life's getting back on track and everything should be awesome. So why the hell am I feeling particularly un-awesome?
Now, a friend of mine told me once, that people are always trying to create problems out of ordinary situations, just to escape the boredom of everyday life. Well, if that's true, then I'm like, REALLY bored. Oh! I forgot to mention that the crazy girl came to MY HOUSE and almost had sex with me, and then we were together for a day and that kinda gave me the courage to give her my final answer, a BIG FAT (kinda like her ass) "NO WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER". Yeah, ever since then, she's a little edgy, but she'll get over me. I've gotten over people who were slutier than me, so she can do it too. Oh, and did I tell you about what else's been troubling me? Japanese classes. They start next week, and the last thing I need right now are douchebags(the anti-g team) in my class, talking to the only friend I'll have in there and leaving me alone to die in a pool of my own piss and blood...
In other news, I'm feeling slightly more confident about my looks (since suddenly girls are asking about me (Why the hell did I have to reach my 21st year of life for girls to realize I exist?) so the idea of me cosplaying cool characters now seems... excellent! I get to be Riku, and a cool butler, and Nero as well from DMC4. And I know that this ranting will probably make no sense to anyone who reads this, but truth is I started typing when I was all miserable this morning and now it's afternoon and I've spent like, tons of hours with a guy creating the waraji shoes for his/ours Bleach cosplay. It was pretty fun actually and it did cheer me up, since we did quite the fantastic job. I mean, I never actually expected we would make them, but we did and they're really good.
A thing that's been worrying me lately is whether or not I have become (more) antisocial than usual. I can't stand seeing most of the people I used to call friends once and I can't figure out if that's my fault or theirs. And to top everything off, now my gaming addiction returned, leaving me with 4 games I need to finish and about 4 others I want to buy... And YES I KNOW I'M NOT MAKING ANY SENSE, ok!? I'm just trying to fit everything that's happened to me in one week (which are surprisingly a lot) into one text and things just keep on popping into my head (and I'm too lazy to put everything in the correct order). Uuuummmm, I had this one thing I wanted to tell you people, but I just keep on forgetting. Well, while my head is working on that here's a thought: Reeny, are you ok? There has been no letter and for some weird reason I feel like you've been avoiding me. Which would be normal and everything, but I've come to realise that I'm not really good at understanding those situations, so, if you are indeed avoiding me, telling me to stay out of your life or something will be helping you achieve your purpose faster. Oh! I remembered! We've started this new rpg session with some friends and I think I'm sucking pretty bad as a dm(dungeon master). I don't know if something's happened to me, but I may be losing my talent as a guy with a great imagination... Lately I've just been copying and recycling ideas... *sigh*... There might really be something wrong with me... Anyways... Gotta go... See ya all next week...
(Here's a tekken 6 trailer. The theme has been stuck in my head for like 2 days now)
Now, a friend of mine told me once, that people are always trying to create problems out of ordinary situations, just to escape the boredom of everyday life. Well, if that's true, then I'm like, REALLY bored. Oh! I forgot to mention that the crazy girl came to MY HOUSE and almost had sex with me, and then we were together for a day and that kinda gave me the courage to give her my final answer, a BIG FAT (kinda like her ass) "NO WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER". Yeah, ever since then, she's a little edgy, but she'll get over me. I've gotten over people who were slutier than me, so she can do it too. Oh, and did I tell you about what else's been troubling me? Japanese classes. They start next week, and the last thing I need right now are douchebags(the anti-g team) in my class, talking to the only friend I'll have in there and leaving me alone to die in a pool of my own piss and blood...
In other news, I'm feeling slightly more confident about my looks (since suddenly girls are asking about me (Why the hell did I have to reach my 21st year of life for girls to realize I exist?) so the idea of me cosplaying cool characters now seems... excellent! I get to be Riku, and a cool butler, and Nero as well from DMC4. And I know that this ranting will probably make no sense to anyone who reads this, but truth is I started typing when I was all miserable this morning and now it's afternoon and I've spent like, tons of hours with a guy creating the waraji shoes for his/ours Bleach cosplay. It was pretty fun actually and it did cheer me up, since we did quite the fantastic job. I mean, I never actually expected we would make them, but we did and they're really good.
A thing that's been worrying me lately is whether or not I have become (more) antisocial than usual. I can't stand seeing most of the people I used to call friends once and I can't figure out if that's my fault or theirs. And to top everything off, now my gaming addiction returned, leaving me with 4 games I need to finish and about 4 others I want to buy... And YES I KNOW I'M NOT MAKING ANY SENSE, ok!? I'm just trying to fit everything that's happened to me in one week (which are surprisingly a lot) into one text and things just keep on popping into my head (and I'm too lazy to put everything in the correct order). Uuuummmm, I had this one thing I wanted to tell you people, but I just keep on forgetting. Well, while my head is working on that here's a thought: Reeny, are you ok? There has been no letter and for some weird reason I feel like you've been avoiding me. Which would be normal and everything, but I've come to realise that I'm not really good at understanding those situations, so, if you are indeed avoiding me, telling me to stay out of your life or something will be helping you achieve your purpose faster. Oh! I remembered! We've started this new rpg session with some friends and I think I'm sucking pretty bad as a dm(dungeon master). I don't know if something's happened to me, but I may be losing my talent as a guy with a great imagination... Lately I've just been copying and recycling ideas... *sigh*... There might really be something wrong with me... Anyways... Gotta go... See ya all next week...
(Here's a tekken 6 trailer. The theme has been stuck in my head for like 2 days now)
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