Ok, so how do people keep on getting my phone number? I just recieved a call from a person that literally disgusts me, asking me if I can somehow contact our one common friend, who's not answering his cellphone. Like... WOW! WHO THE FUCK GAVE YOU MY NUMBER? I hate you social relationships...
Well, I already said good morning, but I'd like to clarify this... It is NOT a good morning. It has not been a good night and it has not been a good week. Not for me, not for those close to me, not even for those not close to me. Well, actually, I don't know about that last one, but the rest is true. I seriously hate to break this to you, but it turns out that I'm not a normal person. I don't know if I actually need professional help, and to be frank I don't think I do, but, if you read every post up to now, you'll see that those 3 months in total I've been posting since I've created this blog have been one big pile of shit. Is it me? In the end, is it possible that I'm suffering from depression? Meh... Actually no, that can't be true, I'm just overreacting (as usual).
But truth be told, yesterday was pretty fucking sucky. And this whole week as well. Which of the two should I start with first though? I think I'll take things from the start. So, this week began pretty ok. We were getting ready for our cosplay and everything, kind of in a rush really, but confident that we would make it, since the big parts of our preparations were finished. So we only had to focus on the details, which we did. However it seemed natural to Marilena, to overwork herself, preparing costumes for other people as well... Yeah, in the end she flipped out, we yelled at each other (kinda), and didn't do the cosplay. We did make up of course, but by then there was no time. So we went to the party dressed as normal otakus. Kinda... Anyways, we'll talk about the party afterwards.
The stuff started going downhill for this week, as soon as it started. Have I told you all about Helen and Fani(sp?) stuffs? No, I don't think I have. So ok, everything's cool, right? I've got my friends, we hang out, have fun, we even bought the fucking Guitar Hero: Metallica for ps3. Well, to make a long, and boring to type story, short, there is this girl in my japanese class, that is really pretty and everything. However it's really weird talking to her. I get all uncomfortable and everything and all we ever talk about is like, really stupid things, like music and anime. Well, those aren't really stupid things, but it seems to be all that we can talk about. On the other hand I've only been talking to her for like 2 weeks now, so maybe this is natural. But anyways, about one and a half week ago, she added me on myspace, and sent me her msn. We've been talking ever since, for like 2 or 3 hours and I think she's actually interested. Now, let me hit the pause button for you. Just when she added me, after 2 days, I had already reached the conclusion that's it's too uncomfortable and that I was too afraid to do something with her. (Also, nothing was certain, she could be looking for a friend or something). So, during the JLPT me and Marilena kinda found this girl that seemed real friendly and everything and we talked during breaks and everything. So, I thought, hey, know what? This girl is much easier to talk than Helen, why don't I try doing something with her? So I kept talking to Helen, keeping a friendly act up and... agh...
Ok, forget about all those shit. The point is simple. I'm confused. I don't know if I like either of them. I don't know if it's fear or something, but I feel like I DON'T want to do anything with either of them. And I don't know what's going on, ok? Everything is just a blur... My friends are having a shitty time and I can't help them at all, I'm having a shitty time and I can't help ME at all. Last night at the party, I was constantly running around talking to a bunch of people that are NOT my friends, and finally I ended up spending most of my time with a girl that likes me and that I don't like(not that way anyways) and her asshole of a friend, too narrowminded to accept other people's opinion. He kept on telling me, how cool japanese musicians are and how metal is something he detests, because they all have long hair and they aren't as cool as japanese musicians. I think I did try explaining how j-music sucks, since the bands don't care about the music they play, and he actually agreed, by telling me "In j-music, it's the image that makes it good". Well if it's the image, you fucking moron, then it's NOT MUSIC! Go see a fucking movie instead! And then, I tried spending some time with my friends, but that also seemed impossible, cause they had all split into different groups and I couldn't focus enough to decide what to do. Then Helen came and I spent my time talking to her, and bringing myself in that uncomfortable position I always do. And Fani showed up as well, and I tried talking to her, but once again, I realised I can't talk to people if there's not a friend of mine near me, to calm me down... Or something... And... Everything is just a fucking mess... Once again, all I want to do is calm down, see my friends and sleep... I wish I could sleep for a whole year. I know this post really makes no sense, but really, I don't think I can actually tell you something that makes sense right now... Even if I do write down my thoughts, I can guarantee that 2 minutes later, I'll just regret it and end up writing down something completely different, cancelling the first thought. Whatever...
Tool. See ya
No comments:
Post a Comment